Am I the only one on earth who considers herself as important as a bug as long as she is in a relationship? Seriously, since I'm in love I feel like I am the least important thing on earth. Weird, right? Somebody seems to loves me and now I feel awful, valueless, unimportant, useless, a piece of shit. But to me, being in a relationship should gives you confidence, let you believe in yourself and love without any border. I do not blame my boyfriend in here, neither myself, but the life stereotypes in a more general way and also how the world all around us let us think we are valueless.
I know that many people tend to have a lack of self confidence in general, but before I fell in love I was the most confident girl on earth. I felt pretty, I felt smart, I wasn't afraid to be who I really am in front of people who didn't like me, and even the fact that they thought I wasn't worth a cheat chat did't bother me at all. I felt good in my own skin, comfortable, secure, and I knew the only person I could trust was myself. And then feelings came to life. I don't know if I was heartless before, maybe I grown a heart when I met
him, but I don't think so. In my opinion love was the thing I needed to happen to me, the only thing missing in my life, but when I opened the door to it, my life, my confidence, felt to pieces. It's an awful feeling, loving someone but hating yourself because you do not think you're worth him. Complex dilemma, right? I am lucky enough to have a sensitive boyfriend who helps me everyday to get through what I would call "the bug syndrome". Feeling like a piece of shit because my boyfriend looks a lot like a god to me. I'm trying to build myself on those new bases, to become more confident even if this relationship seems to bring me down. He loves me the right way but I can't see it, I can't feel it. I just want to be an insignifiant bug, but I hope he will still notice me if I act like I was transparent, like I do not have any feelings, like I'm just a normal girl, confident.
Is there anyone out there concerned by this "bug syndrome"?
xoxo
Amy
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