How can we know?

Recently I've realized that I've asked this question to myself a lot of time, "How can I know?". Have you ever had this awful feeling? Always wondering wether you're making the right choice, feeling the right thing, saying the better word? We never really know, and we tend to think too much sometimes, but in certain situations asking ourselves this question seems to be ineluctable. And most of the time, when we are smart enough to ponder, it feels like it is already too late. I came to this conclusion today. I was sat on my bed, thinking about all of my bad choices and lack of temperament, and I heard myself say, "But how could you have known it would go this way?". I couldn't have actually. I've recently been disappointed with university. My happy new coming in Amsterdam has been quickly followed by a massive breakdown, a disappointment concerning my master program and the fear to lose the boy I love. So I'm kind of in an uncomfortable situation as you can guess. And so this question do not stop to come to my mind, "How could have planned that to avoid it?".

Moving here in Amsterdam is for sure a priceless experience in one's life, and I bet all of you live, have lived or will live this kind of experience as well, the kind which changes your all life and state of mind. But sometimes to experience is not something so nice to do. We have to face all of the things we would have never thought of, we have to face reality in a different way, and we have to be prepared to disappointment. The good and at the same time bad thing in life is that you cannot prevail anything. We can just go with the flow and cross fingers for things to work out the way we'll like. Concerning my master degree, I only blame myself, I should have maybe looked at it a little bit better, or I should have dared to be a little bit more adventurous in my life choices. But maybe another choice would have been even worse, how can we know?

I don't have any answer to this horrific question today, but I'm still working on and already have some ideas. Think for now and not only for the next ten years. It is nice to make plan with university, to have project with the guy you love, to move abroad because you have project for your future. Projects are what make us go on, but is it really worthy if the process to get to your goal break you down? Not really. So let's try to think about ourselves, our future and our present, because if the second one goes bad, the first will never happen. However, yes, we can never know.

xo

Amy